Save the Environment?

What you really mean is save my environment. As oil prices keep increasing, I have noticed a considerable increase in "Save the Planet" propaganda. But when you think about it the message these tree huggers are really conveying is save the human race. So what if we continue to produce green house gases and consume natural resources? What's going to happen? Well its theorized that the polar ice caps will melt and send the planet into another ice age ending life as we know it. Yes, I said another ice age and life as we know it. It's not like the planet hasn't experienced and survived such climatic tragedies before. In fact, it's probably just Mother Earth's immune system reaction to kill off the surface level virus that is causing the problems in the first place. Bacteria can't survive in extremely cold temperatures, and neither can we. So is it really that unthinkable that the planet would use the same sterilization method on us that we use on other disease spreading nuisances?

If these so called "environmentalists" really wanted to save the planet, instead of promoting recycling, they would be chopping down the rainforests to make wicker furniture for their backyard bonfires held in celebration of an oil spill. That would help accelerate the self preservation mechanism the planet has already initiated, and kill off us waste producing humans much quicker.

But that is not the intent of their message. What they're trying to say is, find alternative sources of energy to power my Prius and please don't pollute the soil that my organic beefsteak tomatoes grown in. Not that there is anything wrong with that message, but don't disguise your cry to save humanity as a selfless environmental act. Because in all honesty, the environment would be a lot better off with out us.

The Self Check Out Conundrum

I love self check out. Its one of my favorite inventions of the past 20 years, well, next to wireless internet and Easy Mac. Its perfect for buying those things you hate to buy with some much needed anonimity...in theory at least.

Why is it that when I'm buying Head and Sholders Shampoo, femine products, clinical strength deodorant and two jars of cheese dip, there's always some attractive guy behind me buying steak, dog food and import beer? In my fantasy world the guy would be browsing the latest Britney disaster in the current issue of Us Weekly, but we all know you watch the person in front of you check out...and that guys could care less about celeb gossip. Couldn't he at least be buying some Rogaine or "tiny guy" condoms or wart remover? Something? Anything? That, or could they please designate male and female check out lines, so at least the shopper behind me is buying 32 cans of cat food and a case of Ensure.

Its a shame such a great technological advancement makes me want to make a women's rights regression.

Fortunately, I have a man that loves me despite my snow caps, my perspiration, and my unexplainable love for cheese. But from now on, you will only see me in the self check out line after 11pm. Better safe than blushing.