Relationship Barometer

Relationships are so complex that they can be hard to navigate, hard to understand, hard to define. Men and women both spend a great deal of time trying to decipher the status of their relationship (or if they are even in a relationship for that matter). This is usually attempted by analyzing, over analyzing, and then reading too deeply into words spoken or actions made by the other person. Which is completely unreasonable to think that a single word or action can give that much insight into something so complex...or is it?

Oral Sex. That's the answer. It is the ultimate relationship barometer, and can give brilliant insight. What role you play (giver/receiver) and the frequency with which you are in that role paints a pretty clear picture of the nature of the relationship. Let me give some examples.

Couple Number 1:
The Scenario: Pointdexter begs Brittany to allow him to give her oral on a daily basis. She allows it occasionally, but is kinda indifferent and not all that enthused, and would never dream of returning the favor.

The Diagnosis: This guy is the definition of "pussy whipped"...literally. He would do anything for this girl even if it means compromising his own self respect. The girl either has a non-existent sex drive, or just isn't that into the guy.

Couple Number 2:
The Scenario: Both Jack and Jill both give and receiving oral, sometimes even simultaneously. Not that this happens every time, but for the most part, there is a healthy balance of give and take.

The Diagnosis: This is indicative of a relationship of two people who like and respect each other.

Couple Number 3:
The Scenario: Gertrude receives oral on occasion, but not nearly as often as Don. And on a pretty regular basis Don receives oral, not as foreplay, but just because he feels he's deserving.

The Diagnosis: She worships the ground he walks on. Nuff said.

So, you get my point. Oral sex practices tell a lot about a relationship. Sex alone doesn't work, because it is mutually beneficial. By its very nature, oral sex is relatively selfless, making it the perfect gauge for our interpersonal evaluation. Now some girls may say "I hate receiving oral". They are liars and not to be trusted. Just as some guys may claim they enjoy giving oral, this may be true, but they don't enjoy it nearly as much as a good old knob polish. So there are no loopholes, no qualifiers or escape clauses, this is a sure fire method of evaluating the dynamics of a questionable relationship. At least that's how I see it :)

The Meaning of Life

Tada! I found it. I guess using the term “meaning” is taking a few Godly liberties, but until told otherwise, I'm gonna go on with my bad self. So what is it, you ask? It’s…the chase, and here’s why. People spend their entire life consumed by “the chase”.

As a child, it’s at the playground.
As a teen, it’s social acceptance.
As a young professional, it’s success (and maybe a little ass on the side).
As a “domestic” adult, it’s the American Dream.
And as an elder, it’s their legacy.

Though the object of the chase can vary greatly from person to person and change multiple times in our time here, we all spend our entire lives in pursuit of something. And on the off chance we attain the object of our pursuit, we chase something else. It’s hard to come to this conclusion from a forward looking perspective. I kinda had to deduce my way in to this one. I figure that something is defined by what is consists of. And if your life consists of you chasing things, then is that not defining your life? So defining and meaning are not exact synonyms, but not everything can be taken literally…especially not me.